The Pop Tart Inquisition

If you live in a big family, especially one with 3 teenagers, then you know that food is a hot commodity.

I have very scientifically, with charts, complicated stats and a team from NASA determined the following shelf to stomach life of food in my household.

bag of chips - 3 hours

sugary cereal- 24 hours

fibery cereal - 3 years

oreo cookies - 5 minutes

anything chocolate - 24.2 seconds

can of green beans - 5 years and counting

pop tarts - 18 hours


As you can tell, anything with zero nutrition and 5 million grams of sugar per serving has the lowest shelf to stomach life.

Which is why, being the good mother that I am, my pantry is not always stocked with sugary, hyper-kid inducing foodstuffs. Living in such a household, you learn to eat the "good stuff" quickly and in abnormally large quantities, knowing that the early bird gets the pop tarts.

My husband and I of course HIDE any food we want to actually eat. ( which is why you'll occasionally find a snickers bar in the sock drawer). We don't feel guilty about this - we consider ourselves higher up in the food chain.

Anyway, this is just a long way of explaining the pop tart inquisition that took place in our home this morning ( ONCE AGAIN, BEFORE I WAS FULLY CAFFEINATED!)

teenager 2 - " WHO ATE ALL THE POP TARTS". THERE WERE FIVE POP TARTS IN THE BOX YESTERDAY!

"Z-MAN" ( poor guy, he gets blamed for everything) "DID YOU EAT ALL THE POP TARTS?"

z-man- ( cowering on the couch)" no, I only had one"

teenager 2- "HOW ABOUT ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS?"

z-man - no, none of my friends ate any pop tarts ( which of course is a high crime in our home- you DON'T feed friends the good stuff)

teenager 2- "DAD????", "MOM?", "teenager 3?" WHO ATE ALL THE POP TARTS?

then, with the same look she used when she found out I had destroyed all her binkies when she was 2, she declared " IT WAS TEENAGER 1!!!! HE ATE ALL THE POP TARTS"

teenger 1 has already left for the bus and was therefore unable to defend himself - however having seen him consume and ENTIRE box of cocoa puffs in one sitting, I have suspicians myself.

Determined that justice must be done, teenager 2 proceeds to look for evidence of pop tarts ( wrappers, crumbs) in teenager 1's bedroom, under the bed, in the trash can...

No evidence of pop tart foul play is found.

Court proceedings will commence after school....