Diary of a Power Outage

Day 1
Wind has been picking up all day. Electricity has been flickering on and off. Pray outloud " God, pleeeeaase don't let our electricity go out"

6pmish- God answers my prayer with a resounding "Ha, No!" as the lights go off with a loud SNAP! I strongly suspect that He has decided that some lessons in patience, humility and gratitude far outweigh the temporary comforts of electricity.

6:15 - discover that the neighbors across the street still have their electricity. Ever since we moved into our home 7 years ago, the same 12 homes lose power anytime someone sneezes while the rest of the families in our little community have power. I try not to hate them.

7:30pm- have dragged out all the lanterns, candles and flashlights. We are prepared! I feel quite smug and know that I am the best mom in the entire world. ( well, except for the fact that I claimed the best lantern for myself which I feel a bit guilty about, but I AM the Queen PUBAH of my home after all!)

7:35 -husband and I decide to go ahead and go to bed ( operating on our favorite coping method of " just sleeping through the crisis")

Day 2
6:30 am - wake up to sound of hubby's annoying watch alarm after long night of no sleep. We had to sleep with the windows open do to the heat which set off hubby's allergies. He sneezed and blew his nose ALL NIGHT! I decide to vote him off the island. Light candles, turn on lanterns. Discover that kids have no school due to no electricity. Tell teenager who has already showered to go back to sleep.

7am- 10 year old z-man wakes up. I encourage him to go back to sleep. He won't hear of it.

7:01- z-man announces that he is booored. Brace myself for a loooong day ahead and pray to God for patience ( one of His ongoing goals for me, I believe)

8:30 - house is bombarded by 3 other 10 year old boys. They are quite loud at the prospects of a no school day ahead. Teenage daughter grumpily emerges from cave and yells at boys for being so loud.

8:35- I suggest that the boys go to one of their houses that actually has electricity. I had previously come to the conclusion that all the 10 year old boys within a mile radius of our home gather here because of the computers, wii and playstation. I was wrong. They want to stay here, despite our lack of gaming. I cannot fathom why they insist on staying here with a hormonally homicidal mother.

9:00 - boys play their 30th game of hide and go seek. Doors slam, boys shriek. After calmly asking them to go outside and play, I lose my patience ( I know, God,)and yell loudly " GO OUTSIDE, NOW!"

5pm- husband comes home after work. Announce that the electric company says we will have electricity in 4 more days. WHAT!!!!!!! Remind myself that at least we have a home and hot water and food. ( see God? I have gratitude!)

7:30- I head to bed again hoping to sleep through the next 4 days.

Day 3

Yippee!! kids have school. Look forward to quiet day ahead.

Enjoy a day of reading and yardwork uninterrupted by kids. Convince myself that this whole no electricity thing isn't so bad after all.

3:30 pm- kids come home. 10 year olds descend on house. Hide and go seek games begin. My hope fades.

6:45pm- It's already dark. I go to bed. Don't fall asleep for 4 hours, don't get up cuz what's the point?

Day 4

2 girl teens have picture day at school today. Insist on getting to school 30 minutes early to put on make-up and straighten hair. I don't understand why it should take that long since it only takes me 20 minutes from shower to ready to go. Make the mistake of passing on this observation to teens. Am met with rolling eyes.

I have now had 3 mornings without my early morning coffee. Order the Large coffee at the drive through. Pick up a couple of Dr. Peppers at the gas station. Days without electricity require vast quantities of caffeine. It's a scientific fact.

Day 5

Let me share some power outage tips:
1. when all lit, variety of scented candles produce a very nauseating stink.
2. Tapered candles give off best light
3. don't wait until day 4 to look for power generator. The other 200,000 people also still without electricity had the foresight to snatch them up on day 2.
4. libraries frown upon teenagers trying to charge their cell phones in the library bathroom.

I see fleets of electric trucks around the nearby city of Lancaster on way to school. Ask oldest daughter if she has a gun. Wonder if I can hijack an electric crew with a ball point pen.

8pm - electricity restored!!!!!!!! 10 year old immediately turns on tv to watch spongebob. Teens reconnect online. Hubby asks if I had cleaned out fridge of rotting food. Ummmm...I thought about it a couple of times, but kept putting it off. The stink that ememrges from the fridge gags the whole family including the poodle who likes to roll in her own poop. Family votes me off the island. I'm o.k. with that.

The Pop Tart Inquisition

If you live in a big family, especially one with 3 teenagers, then you know that food is a hot commodity.

I have very scientifically, with charts, complicated stats and a team from NASA determined the following shelf to stomach life of food in my household.

bag of chips - 3 hours

sugary cereal- 24 hours

fibery cereal - 3 years

oreo cookies - 5 minutes

anything chocolate - 24.2 seconds

can of green beans - 5 years and counting

pop tarts - 18 hours


As you can tell, anything with zero nutrition and 5 million grams of sugar per serving has the lowest shelf to stomach life.

Which is why, being the good mother that I am, my pantry is not always stocked with sugary, hyper-kid inducing foodstuffs. Living in such a household, you learn to eat the "good stuff" quickly and in abnormally large quantities, knowing that the early bird gets the pop tarts.

My husband and I of course HIDE any food we want to actually eat. ( which is why you'll occasionally find a snickers bar in the sock drawer). We don't feel guilty about this - we consider ourselves higher up in the food chain.

Anyway, this is just a long way of explaining the pop tart inquisition that took place in our home this morning ( ONCE AGAIN, BEFORE I WAS FULLY CAFFEINATED!)

teenager 2 - " WHO ATE ALL THE POP TARTS". THERE WERE FIVE POP TARTS IN THE BOX YESTERDAY!

"Z-MAN" ( poor guy, he gets blamed for everything) "DID YOU EAT ALL THE POP TARTS?"

z-man- ( cowering on the couch)" no, I only had one"

teenager 2- "HOW ABOUT ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS?"

z-man - no, none of my friends ate any pop tarts ( which of course is a high crime in our home- you DON'T feed friends the good stuff)

teenager 2- "DAD????", "MOM?", "teenager 3?" WHO ATE ALL THE POP TARTS?

then, with the same look she used when she found out I had destroyed all her binkies when she was 2, she declared " IT WAS TEENAGER 1!!!! HE ATE ALL THE POP TARTS"

teenger 1 has already left for the bus and was therefore unable to defend himself - however having seen him consume and ENTIRE box of cocoa puffs in one sitting, I have suspicians myself.

Determined that justice must be done, teenager 2 proceeds to look for evidence of pop tarts ( wrappers, crumbs) in teenager 1's bedroom, under the bed, in the trash can...

No evidence of pop tart foul play is found.

Court proceedings will commence after school....

The invisible Zit

"I HAVE A ZIT!!!!!!

Yup, those were the first words my bleary ears ( yes, EARS can be bleary) heard out of the mouth of #2 teenager this morning. BEFORE I'VE HAD MY FIRST CUP OF COFFEE.

Now, my children have long known to avoid talking to their hormonally homicidal mother before she is fully caffeinated. They know, unless a limb is dangling by a thin piece of skin, to wait to converse with me until I have a bit of a coffee buzz.

Apparently, teenager#2 thinks having a zit ranks right up their with discovering someone has stolen your liver while you were sleeping.

Fortunately for her, she has caught me on one of those rarest of days when my adrenal gland is actually working and my brain has an adequate supply of serotonin. " I can do this" I think to myself. I can show my daughter motherly concern over her zit.

Me- "Let's take a look"

teenager- "It's right HERE!" pointing disgustedly to the side of her nose.

Me- " I don't see anything"

teenager-" sigghh... RIGHT HERE" ( more exaggerated pointing)

Me- "Let me turn on the light...bring your face closer...nope, I don't see anything"

At this point teenager rolls her eyes as only teenagers can do and stomps up to her room.

A few minutes later, she reappears and triumphantly proclaims that she has successfully covered up the gargantuan zit.

"Terrific" I say. "I don't see a thing" ( not to mention I didn't EVER see a thing).
Problem solved.

10 year old Z-man enters the room. to teenager- "EWWWW! You have a BIG ZIT on YOUR FACE!"

My heart warms. Awww... the love between siblings.

Complaint of the Day

The Complaint of the Day comes from no other than the Master Complainer...Z-MAN!!!! He gets extra points for originality, obscurity and leaving me with a loss of words.


From the Z-man:

"My bellybutton hurts"

What? How am I supposed to respond to that? Guess I'll have to google it...


Ugghhh! I should no better than to Google symptoms. Now I have to worry about THIS:


The main symptom of appendicitis is belly (abdominal) pain. The pain can feel like indigestion or like you need to have a bowel movement or pass gas. Many people feel the first pain near the belly button. Then it moves to the lower right side of the belly. But the pain can be in different parts of your belly or even on your side. The pain may get worse if you move, walk, or cough. You may also have a fever or feel sick to your stomach.

Many people who have had appendicitis say the pain is hard to describe. It may not feel like any pain you have had before. It may not even be a very bad pain, but you may feel like something is wrong. If you have moderate belly pain that does not go away after 4 hours, call your doctor. If you have severe belly pain, call your doctor right away.

I REALLY, REALLY am NOT in the mood for the z-man to have an appendicitis. God help us all if he ever needs any kind of surgery...

Turd Soup

I'm not sure I would read a post with this title- but I assure you, if you have read this far, no descriptive language will be used. So go ahead and eat that sandwich while you read.

So, anyone who has boys knows that they are FASCINATED with bodily functions. The funny sounds and things that come out of the body make up approximately 98% of a 7-12 year old boy's conversations. ( The other 2% involves ways of blowing up things)

Anyway, my 10 year old son is an absolute genius at coming up with phrases that evoke me to respond using his full name, ZANE KENNETH CLARK TRUESDELL!!!! while giving him "the look". "The look" given along with the full name uttered an octave below my normal speech is supposed to let him know that if I ever hear this offensive phrase again, my head will explode and he'll have to clean up the mess and will no longer enjoy the blessings of having the best mom in the whole world. However, this method rarely works and he will continue to use the offensive phrase until he's thought up a better ( and more disgusting) one.

The latest phrase is "turd soup". DISGUSTING! If he forgets something- "Oh, TURD SOUP", if he doesn't get his way - " Well, TURD SOUP". And since nothing is ever quite right in his world, we get to hear "Turd Soup"...23 times a minute.

So, I was shopping with the kids yesterday and just as I was ready to checkout, I realized I had forgotten an important item clear on the other side of the store and I say..." Oh, TURD SOUP!". Loud enough for ALL THREE KIDS to hear. I thought they were going to pee their pants from the laughing.

So what does every good mom do when she utters something not so wholesome? I apologize for using inappropriate language and take the opportunity to pull out lecture # 53 on how if you hear bad stuff from other people enough, it's bound to come out of your own mouth at some point which is why it's not ok for your friends to have bad language OR YOUR CHILDREN.

I'm sure I'll be hearing about this slip up at every family get together from now until eternity.

The master complainer

My youngest, the Z-man has always been a bit of a complainer and very dramatic. Thank goodness he's cute as a button and a super snuggler. Otherwise it would be pretty hard to laugh over the following:

Z-man's list of complaints this morning ( in a span of, I kid you not, five minutes)

1. I'm REEEEEAAALLLLY TIIRED and REEEEAAALLYY WEEEAAAK ( he's known to pull this one when he doesn't want to go to school- and I have to give him credit- it's nonspecific, a symptom of many different illnesses, impossible to disprove and allows for a "comeback" later in the day where he feels better to play playstation and Wii.

2. Something just STUNG my PINKY TOE! ( yup, my kids call their little toe a pinky toe and their big toes, thumb toes- drives me crazy.)

3. My belt's too long. ( the kid has a 4 inch waist, EVERY belts too long)

4. I can't find any socks to wear. ( funny, I found 5 of your socks under various pieces of furniture just yesterday)

5. I didn't get ANY sleep last night. ( yeah, well welcome to the club. I haven't had a good night's sleep since 1992)

6. I hate the zipper on my backpack. ( the same backpack you BEGGED my to get cuz your perfectly good backpack from last year isn't cool anymore???)

7. I'm having a bad hair day- it's REAALLY TALL - like a FOOT off my head. ( Not a problem, where's the clippers?)

8. I can't find my toothbrush. ( Now, this complaint's actually encouraging- it means, he does, on occasion BRUSH HIS TEETH!)

And that's why I'm the bestest mommy in the whole world. I listened to his whole tirade with motherly tsks, you'll be fines and grunts and DIDN'T LOSE MY TEMPER ONCE! Let's see Michael Phelps do THAT!

My child may starve today.

7:40 am. The kiddos are on their way to school with their dad which is about a 30 minute drive. The Z-man (10 year old son) just called in his most panicked voice "I FORGOT MY LUNCH!!!!!!!" I reply very kindly " No problem, just eat the school lunch". Z-man " BUT IT'S RAVIOOOOOLI!" in a whiny voice sure to shatter car windows within a mile radius. Me- " Well, I'm not making the hour round trip into school just to deliver your lunch, what with gas prices the way they are, I'd have to sell a kidney, not to mention I have more important things to do (like drink a few more cups of coffee and watch reruns of Spin City) than spend and hour delivering your lunch to school." Z-man " OK, THEN, BUT IM NOT EATING RAVIOLI, AND I'LL STARVE AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE". Me- " well, my sweet child, if you're hungry enough, you'll eat it, I love you, have a good day, goodbye" Cuz I KNOW if I don't get off the phone NOW, his whining will get so loud, he'll shatter my ear drum.

Now, where's that sandwich he left in the kitchen- I'm hungry.