I have a secret. Well, airport security knows about it but they know all my secrets.
90% of the time, I don't wear a bra. Shocking, right?
My reasons are simple. I am fairly small breasted and don't need the support. I think bras are hot, restrictive and uncomfortable. I like being comfortable. I don't wear high heels or spanx either, so sue me.
Fortunately for me, I don't go to school at Braden River High School. A seventeen year old girl decided to not wear a bra under her loose fitting, opaque, crew neck, long sleeve tshirt because she had a sunburn. We've all been there, right? Straps rubbing on sunburn is torture. Try learning something when every time you move, you're pierced with a red hot poker. Not wearing a bra seems like a perfectly reasonable solution. Oh, wait, I forgot. We live in a society where reason and logic don't matter. If something makes you just the teeniest bit uncomfortable, then it should be against the rules, right?
According to news reports and the girl's social media a teacher at the school heard a boy talking about the girl not wearing a bra. So, she did the only reasonable thing- she ignored it because teenage boys are obsessed with breasts. I mean, this was probably the same kid who snapped the bra of the first girl in his class to get breasts in fifth grade. Just kidding- that would have been way too logical of a response! We live in America! Logic doesn't matter. Instead, the teacher turned her into the school principal who made the girl put on an extra shirt and jump up and down to make sure that helped contain the wicked jiggling of unbound breasts. Then she had her go to the school nurse to put band-aids on her nipples. Forget that every single person in the world has nipples (some even have a third nipple!); you could almost if you squint and turn your head just so, see the very faint outline of what was probably a nipple and that is just not o.k. I mean, what would happen if teenaged boys find out that girls have nipples too! There's just no possible way a boy could learn in that kind of environment.
I've decided my problem is I expect way too much of other people. I expect them to be kind and reasonable and understand that God made breasts to feed offspring, not to entertain the male species. Boy, was I wrong. From the comments made to the girl and her mother on twitter and facebook, you would have thought she walked into class wearing pasties and a g- string.
I know, I know, I should've known better, after all we live in a breast obsessed society. People get all hot and bothered over a woman feeding her baby in public, so of course they're going to feel uncomfortable when a woman doesn't wear a bra. The crazy thing is, I didn't realize women wore bras to conceal their breasts. I have been operating under the delusion that women wear bras to support their breast tissue- particularly big breasted women who feel more comfortable (there's that evil word again) with some support OR to enhance their figures. I guess I missed the memo that underwire, push-up bras are for the purpose of modesty. Oops, my bad.
While we're at it, I think all overweight students, male or female, should be required to wear spanx or girdles. All that jiggling of fat is just so offensive to my delicate sensibilities. I assume everyone understands that breasts are basically fat tissue right? Not so much different than those love handles.
Apparently, a good percentage of Americans, at least those who comment on social media, believe the government (and thus school authorities) should have the right to dictate what people wear under their clothes. It's about time society got on board with those Mormon fundamentalists who wear wrist to ankle undergarments. Or better yet, I think we should adopt the Muslim way of covering women head to toe, that way boys can learn without any distractions.
Anyway, my secret is out. It feels good to come clean after all these years. Cue the angry villagers with pitchforks and twitter accounts.
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