Just five days after the Braden River High School bra scandal where a seventeen year old student was required to stick band-aids over her nipples after neglecting to wear a bra to school, Braden River High School has released new guidelines governing student underwear.
"It has come to our attention, thanks to the astute observations of several sixteen year old male students who still giggle every time they hear the words melons or balls, that many girls continue to wear undergarments without the appropriate amount of support as to prevent excessive jiggling or padding to prevent nipple concealment- leading the boys to excess distraction and inability to learn. Therefore we are implementing the following procedures:
1. Any girl reported for ineffective breast support or nipple concealment will be required to pass a series of three tests: jumping jacks, running in place and standing in front of an air conditioner.
2. Failure to pass any of the above tests will result in the girl being sent home and not allowed to return until her breasts are properly supported and her nipples are fully concealed.
3. Continued failure to comply with proper breast support and nipple concealment will result in the student being required to wear a choir robe on school property."
#satire #fakenews
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